Dear John - Regards Me

I just feel to blah to post today so here is something else instead and if you wanna join the revolution my link is at the bottom!


Dear John Letter to Advertisers

Dear Advertiser,

It’s me, your consumer. We need to talk. Things have to change between us. We’ve drifted apart. I feel like our relationship is strained. Dysfunctional even. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.

It’s not me – it’s you. Honestly.

It’s become pretty clear that you don’t get me. Or respect me as an individual. You surely don’t respect my time. You constantly bombard me with ad after ad – most of them completely irrelevant to anything in my life. You interrupt me every chance you get. You try to dictate and monopolize my time. It’s all about you, you, you. I’m smothered AND I’m bored. Not a good combination.

You don’t respect my privacy. You gather, buy, and sell data about me behind my back. Aggregating this, algorithm-ing that. What is that about? Without my permission or knowledge, you sneak cookies on my machine to track my every move. It’s creepy. I need you to back off.

Is it any wonder that I have grown more distant? Yes, I am avoiding you. I don’t watch TV or listen to radio anymore. Or if I do, I use my DVR like Caller ID to skip right past your message. Because I don’t want to hear from you.

So, I’m spending more and more time online, where I feel more in control. Where people understand me. Where I can buy and download my movies, shows, and songs, without your relentless, irrelevant interruptions. Where I can block your pop-ups and delete your cookies. (But I’ll never forgive you for SPAM. Never.)

I think if you search yourself deep down, you will agree that our relationship has not been that great for you either. How many millions of dollars do you waste every day sending me messages that either don’t apply to me, or that I just ignore? How often do you wonder – “Am I getting through? What does my consumer think about me?” Let’s face it, you deserve better too.

We have tried it your way for a few decades now, and, I think you would agree, it’s just not working out for either of us. I don’t want to be tied down to something that isn’t right for me. And you don’t want to reach out to someone not right for you.

So I’m sorry, but I just can’t go back to the way things were. That part of my life is over. I am moving on.

I have a proposition for you. Let’s try this…

I am creating a MeFile. And in that MeFile I am spelling out what I am all about and exactly what I’m looking for in an advertiser. Specifically. Authentically. Think of it like a profile for an online match-making service where I am matched up with ads about things I could actually want, care about, live with. If I am right for you, and you are right for me, you can reach me through my MeFile.

I understand your job here, and I know that you need my attention to do it. Now, I am giving you a better way to get it – directly from me. So if you want my attention, I am sure we can work something out. Just you and me.

I hope you’ll take advantage of this opportunity. Actually, I am insisting. The ball’s in your court.

OOO (but no XXX),

Me, Your Consumer

Agree? Let me refer you to make your MeFile -http://www.youdata.com/join/lilolash

And dreams come crashing down...

I really really really need a work-at-home position. We are barely getting by on Hubby's income and all accidentals are currently being credit carded. Hell, last week part of the regular groceries had to be credit carded thanks to the wonderful rising prices.

Its not like we haven't cut expenses - we eat off brands, cheap meat, and canned instead of fresh - but Tadpole has sensitive skin so its the special Pampers diapers ($20 a box) and no off brand detergent. Atleast ALL makes ones that is free of dyes and fragrances without costing the arm and leg that Dreft does, and oh, did you know Dreft still has fragrances in it?

I heard back from AA and they wanted to interview me for an actual position (yay!!) but then she sent me more information on the job today...it would be 2:30 pm to 11 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Have to be available for all holidays and no holiday pay. Training July 1st - July 24th Monday-Friday @ 2:30pm - 10:30 pm with production starting July 26th. Both production and training also have a 30 minute unpaid break. Training is paid at minimum wage ($6.55/hr) and the cheapest I could find a sitter is $5/hr so lets do that math:

Hubby doesn't work Thursdays and gets home by 9:30 pm. Tadpole is still having problems with the bedtime concept so lets just assume the sitter has to wait for Hubby to get home.

So that's 14 days of a sitter for 7 hours a day = 98 hours at $5/hr = $490

Now without figuring in taxes, I would be working 7.5 hours a day for 18 days = 135 hours at $6.55/hr = $884.25

Hum, $884.25-$490 = $384.25. Did you catch that over half my pay would be going to the sitter? Then there would be taxes to take out and the cost of the phone line and the equipment I need plus the $45 for the background/drug/credit check....I'd be lucky to walk away from training alone with $5 in my pocket.

Lets say I get a raise after training to $9/hr and the sitter stays at $5/hr and look at a typical week:

Sitter would have to be here from 2:30 pm to 9:30 pm 3 days a week and 2:30 pm to 7 pm on Saturdays. That's 7 hrs for 3 days and 4.5 on Saturdays or 25.5 hours a week at $5 an hour = $127.50.

I'd be working 40 hours a week at $9 an hour making $360 before taxes. Once again, the sitter is going to be getting half of my pay before I pay for the phone line that I wouldn't have if I was working at home. Plus 3 nights a week, someone else is getting Tadpole to bed other than Hubby or myself and I'm required to work holidays. Now if I had grown kids, I could see the holidays but I have baby who will be a year old at Christmas and this will be what we will always consider is first Christmas and I'm not missing that. We aren't the point of living in a cardboard box yet so until then we'll just keep trucking along.

Repairs and WAHMing

Tadpole threw any schedule out the window today! He wanted everything early, slept thru lunch and then fought bedtime until about 8 pm. This kid is out to drive me crazy!

I really need to get him onto some kind of schedule for my sanity and my sleep. Currently I'm up until around 3:30 am and waking up depends on Hubby's mood. Some days I sleep until around 11:30 am when he is heading to work other days he wakes me up earlier so he can get some shut eye cause most nights he stays up with me (isn't he sweet!). The days I have to get up earlier, I end up napping with Tadpole. In his pre-cruising days, I was even know to lightly snooze on the couch (to which I would feel extremely guilty about after). I just hoping that this is just the aftermath of having had a newborn and breastfeeding for the first 3ish months and not something more serious or something that is going to require professional help. Surely it can't be that hard to reset my internal clock...

The same repairman that installed our phone line showed up today to do it all over again. I found myself apologizing to him even though I didn't cut the line and wasn't in anyway involved. My lack of involvement is what I guess I was apologizing for but by the time I woke up and registered that they were mowing, the damage had already been done. However, he was a whole day early and I almost hugged the guy!

I'm currently waiting to here back for when my interview will be...I emailed the recruiter that I was back up and running and she responded wanting to interview right then. Your thinking that is great and awesome right? Not. at. all. She emailed back during the period that Tadpole was fighting bedtime and they have a seriously strict, no second chances noise policy. I emailed her as soon as I knew for sure he was out but I'm afraid she's already called it a night.

And here comes Hubby home from work and he wants me off the computer - *sigh, men* :)

Doh...

Note: Translation - this blogger uses "wonderful" in place of ranting, screaming, and saying horrible (but deserved) things. However, if this blogger actually does rant, scream, and say horrible things about someone or something, that means that someone or something was really a sh*thead dumba** jerk that deserves to be taken out back and shot.

Today was destined for failure from the beginning. Hubby doesn't work until noon and so kindly let me sleep in until I woke up in a panic at 11 am (it was a nice thought). Tadpole has refused to be out of arm's reach all day. Yesterday, the "wonderful" mowers cut our phone lines and today I was told the earliest it could be fix was Thursday. This wasn't so bad until I received the email I've been waiting on pins and needles for - a job offer - a freaking work at home job offer! A chance to have 2 incomes again without shelling out millions for daycare. A sparkle of hope that we could really someday be able to afford a real house and move away from this "wonderful" management company. I have dreams about the day I can turn in the keys to our apartment and tell them exactly what I think of them followed by kiss my ass!

Luckily there is something good about today - my loud ranting about the "wonderful" management company did not wake Tadpole! The silly little bugger took a 3rd nap yesterday, was up until 10ish, and then woke up again at around 1 am when Hubby was forging for food in the kitchen. He stayed up until around 3 am and still woke up like clockwork this morning. So the real reason Hubby let me sleep in is that he got with Tadpole, got him feed, played for a few hours and then got him back down for a morning nap so that he could just crawl back into the bed I'd been keeping warm, cuddle, and go back to sleep. I can ignore that he had selfish reasons for keeping me bed :)

The anti-sleep phase of Tadpole

Tadpole was born with some serious jaundice and we were released on a very strict feeding schedule. We started off in the hospital supplementing with formula and went home with directions to supplement with pedilite. We were already stressed with the simple fact that Tadpole was ours plus MIL (which is a whole blog of issues) was sleeping on the couch. Tadpole and I holed up in my bed and cried together for 2 days. We struggled everyday with latching issues and after about 15 minutes had doctor's orders to give him the pedilite. I think they just assumed my milk would be in by this point and the pedilite would just be extra to help make sure he was full to clear up the jaundice. Problem was that Tadpole wasn't interested in anything that didn't come in that cute little bottle with the easy nipple. We went back to the hospital on Day 2 to have his blood tested to check his jaundice and didn't even make it home before they called and said we had to come back immediately. His levels were several points above what is considered dangerous and they needed to admit him for more aggressive treatments. We stayed for several days before they would release him and those nurses badgered and pestered us to keep every minute scheduled. Yes, it was for his health but when we finally got him home with all clear from the doctor - we threw schedules and routines out the door. Two weeks was more than any of us could handle and its worked for us, atleast until now. Tadpole hit 6 1/2ish months and suddenly nothing could make him happy. He might be awake at midnight one night and out by six the next but would still wake up at 7 am. I go to the birth board (message board made up of mom's whose kids were all born in November 09) and everyone agrees that he is crying out for some routine in his life and some structure. Since I'm to the point of hiring a babysitter just so I can close the bedroom door and nap, I decide to give the whole structure thing a try. Today is officially Day 1 and at 3 pm, Tadpole has had breakfast, morning nap, lunch, and is in the middle of afternoon nap. Assuming that he goes to bed without me wishing my Mom lived closer, this structure thing might not be so bad.

Lesson here: All lax is bad, all rigid is bad, gotta find a balance :)

Mommy Wars Disclaimer :)

From the outside, the world of mothers looks just like a group of women from every walk of life that are united by little screaming bundles. They can tactfully discuss if they are home birthing, natural birthing, or modern birthing or breastfeeding/bottlefeeding without causing major fights or rifts in the online communities. Then someone will bring up stay at home (or work at home) vs working and the claws come out. There is just something about this discussion that can be the end of friendships, draws the battle lines in groups, and veteran Moms know to keep hush-hush. So why did I bring up such a taboo subject? To give you my blog disclaimer so to speak:

I am a SAHM, however, I do not intend my experiences to persuade or dissuade you from being a SAHM. The purpose of this blog is to voice the side of SAHMing that I think Moms are afraid to admit to themselves or even to each other. I can not tell you if you should be a SAHM, WAHM, or working Mom, I can just share my experiences as a SAHM. I suggest you seek out other Moms of every kind to get a better idea of each option before deciding what is right for you.

And now the fun can begin! :)

That scary first post

Here it is - the dreaded first post to blank blog. The post that defines you. Do you jump right in with a normal blog or do you give a little background, introduce yourself to the readers that don't exist yet....

Then the moment when you wonder if leaving your old blog behind was really such a good idea. Course, that’s before you remember what you are leaving behind. Having a blog that is close to 10 years old when you haven't hit 25 yet means you blogged in high school and let’s face it, half of those posts can be summed up with the words "nobody understands me".

Who am I? I am a mom, specifically a stay-at-home-mom that struggles with being home. Who was I? I was a college student. I was one of those kids they say has such potential. I was a high school salutation. I was going places.

See why I struggle yet? I was/am the classic overachiever and some things can't be changed. I'm the type that shouldn't have been married before I was thirty and shouldn't have had kids until almost 40. I'm the type that plans everything, counts every penny, and worries constantly about almost everything.

But here I am, my greatest accomplishment in a day is surviving until hubby comes home.

Before I was a sahm, all I ever heard was how great it was, how wonderful spending all day with your kids is, and how it’s the best thing you'll ever do for your kids and yourself and your family. There are days when I am stoked that this is who I've become and that I don't miss anything of Tadpole's growing. But there are also days that I wished someone had warned me about - like when Tadpole decides naps are so beneath him and then becomes the world's crankiest baby around 4 pm. Or when Tadpole thinks it funny to see how many times he can make me have to change my shirt. Or when I've said a million words in the space of 8 hours to someone just a few months old and they've all been creative ways to say "no Tadpole!"

So here I am in an effort to create more time in my life that I socialize with people who didn't once live inside me.

(On a side note: I sincerely apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. It’s currently 5:30 am and I've not yet managed the whole going to bed thing)